The Journey Of Self-Loving

Loving our self unconditionally is a journey and it’s a term that has been thrown out a lot in the recent days. Although loving our self unconditionally isn’t as easy or as glamorous as it sounds. 

When we have adapted to loving our self through the conditioning of fear base foundations, having to reconstruct that causes a tower moment. It’s where we have to tear down our infrastructure back to the foundation to change it to a place of unconditional love. Having a foundation that is fear base will also reflect not just the relationship we have with our self but also those around us and other external factors within our outer world. When we begin to move from a place of unconditional love, we are prompted to let go of those or things, that we are no longer an alignment with.  

By learning to love our self doesn’t necessarily start with love, it usually starts from acknowledging and embracing. What I mean by this is when we acknowledge the relationship we have with our self in the present moment, we embrace who we are now and rather than creating illusions and deception on how we honestly feel and see our self. 

Accepting and embracing where we at in the present moment is key; by doing this we are removing the illusions we have covered our self with. We have to learn and begin somewhere, it is okay to not move from a place of unconditional love, just yet. 

Begin with simply getting to know our self; what sparks that flame of passion and peace within us? Finding those fragments that create those spark is key. This will look different on everyone, as not everyone will have the same fragment of flame. It’s important to solely focus on what makes us passionate and peaceful. Detach from other’s expectation and pressure to be a certain way. 

We shouldn’t mould our self for others comfort while we stay small and uncomfortable. Those who fear or judge our light are not the people that are aligned with us. 

The thing is, from centuries of unconscious conditioning from society and family, we have moulded our self to someone who's (might) not an alignment with who we are naturally. We have the nurture side of our self, which is how we were brought up and how our family loved us. Then we have our nature side, which is who we are authentically, underneath all the social and family conditioning. -- As I’ve mentioned before, we have been unconsciously conditioned and it’s not just our current generation, but also the past and the one before that and so on. 

Realise that our society has been on these cycles for many years now. That each and one of us, past and present generations have broken certain cycles within our bloodline or society; that we have been ascending throughout the centuries. We have changed as a collective and we will continue to do so. The thing is we cannot demand change from others when we, our self haven’t done the change our self. And by ‘change’, I mean living a life aligned to who are by nature. We do this by stripping our self from all the social and family conditioning that is holding us back from living a life full of passion and peace. -- What may be authentic to us, might not resonate or be authentic for others. It’s needing to ground our self in that concept that we all came here to experience this human life and we all have different and unique souls, which will alter our experiences to what our soul needs to further evolve. - 

The beauty of this experience is that we all reflect a part of our self of one another. Those reflections are just a way to enhance our self-awareness and get in touch with our wholeness. Each fragment being reflected back at us is an opportunity to accept or deny them; when we deny them, we deny a part of our self too. We are allowed to begin to love and accept our self, from all angles of the spectrum and polarity of life. 

We have to be able to look at our self from an honest place. We have to admit to the bitter and sweet truth of it all. Not all truths are comfortable, although we do have to start somewhere. It’s okay not to love our self unconditionally just yet, we live in a world that profits from our insecurities and puts us on a cycle of internalised shame. 

Loving our self is not a one day trip we take, it’s a 24/7 journey we are on. We can not separate our self from our self, there is nothing we can do about that. The relationship we have with our self is the model for other relationships we have. If we have blueprints and programming base on self-abandonment and people-pleasing, then we go on a cycle of abandoning our needs and self to feel a sense of belonging or love from others. It’s where we go on a cycle of chasing and running after those who reflect that fragment of our self or will take advantage of that part of our blueprint. 

Loving our self is not something we can buy off eBay or Amazon, it’s more than reading self-help books and reciting affirmations, it’s having to look within and do the inner work and the root cause of the reason why we feel unlovable or unworthy. It’s removing those barriers to feeling love, acceptance, worth and validation form our self. -- In this process, it requires as to heal parts of our self and reclaim fragments that we have suppressed or deemed unworthy or unlovable. 

Loving our self has cycles and process within the journey, which goes hand in hand with other areas of our life. It’s having to be nurturing, be patience and kind with our self as this is not a one day trip we take. It’s something we overcome every single day. And there will time where we feel like we are on top of the world and other times, we feel as if we back to square one, although there will also come time and day where we begin to see that we are no longer the person we were from our past; the one who moved from a place of self-abandonment and believing they were unworthy. 

Until that day comes, keep continuing to Be Kinder, Less Critical. 

Inner Child Healing

Topics: Shadow Aspects, Reparenting, Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once, Blueprints and Programming and the Past. 

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 We can’t deny that we don’t have an Inner Child within us. We all have that part within us, it might just be repressed underneath all the experiences we went through as a child. That doesn’t mean it’s not there, it’s just buried under all the unhealed, unclaimed, neglected, abandoned parts of us that we haven’t faced.

The early stages of our life are our childhood. The first relationships we form are with our parents and family dynamics. Those are the baseline of our foundations not just in regards to relationships but also the way we view ourself, the world and how we move in life. In our early stages of experiencing life, we are dependant and relay on our parents for our livelihood. Nobody in the world had a choose of who our family are and the conditioning that was already set prior to our existence. There is never a ‘perfect’ childhood as nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes as the majority of the time they are going along the learning process of raising a child. Which is fine and normal. It’s okay to make mistakes and trip up. As children, we didn’t get much choice, although as adults the beauty of it is we have more choices on how we should move forward in our reality. 

Some of us might have not had the best childhood and upbringing. We might have experienced the worst and shown how evil the world is at those early stages of our life. Those experiences that might still haunt as till this day. No child in the world had control over the parents or the family they were put in. It’s something no kid chooses and have NO CONTROL OVER. Same goes with the circumstance we experienced growing up, we had no control over those either. We were not ‘little adults’, we were children. We had barely experienced in the world. We didn’t know the full scope of the world we lived in. We were new and were only in the early stages of life.

In the early stages of life that is where we create and form our foundations, blueprints and programming to use in our adulthood. Which is a larger portion of our life, our childhood and adolescence are just a small part of it. Although just because it’s a small part does not mean it doesn’t hold its value. During our childhood like I’ve stated, those years are the creation of the foundation, blueprints and programming. Where in our adolescence years are the time we put those foundations into working. Where we begin to form relationships and a sense of who we are outside of our family dynamics. For the majority of people during those times, we are unconscious of the blueprints and programming we are following. As our adolescence years where we were finding our own bearings and trying out who we were. Our adolescence years are only makeup 7 years of our life. Those stages feel as they would last forever although they don’t. 

In the context of healing, we have to acknowledge those parts of ourself. That we didn’t experience the best case during the early stages of life. Which wasn’t our fault nor are we to blame. The circumstances either from our childhood or adolescence years created an impact of how we moved throughout our adulthood. Whatever the circumstances we have experienced that has caused us pain, hurt or trauma it deserves acknowledging. It doesn’t matter what those ingredients are, as everyone in the world deserves to have their pain, hurt and trauma acknowledge and tenderly cared for.  

As young children we didn’t have a choice nor can we do much about our past. It’s not about staying there. It’s about learning and creating a different perspective. We have a choice to take in all the negative and bad things we got out of our experiences OR we can reclaim the fragments that we had to abandoned or that were taken from us. Either way, we do have free will for a reason. We get to choose either to stay or evolve. 

 Having to come to term with the reality of our childhood will bring in grief. We will grieve and mourn the parts of ourself that never had the chance to live. The parts and experiences our Inner Child didn’t experience nor did they had the chance to. - Life can be unfair at times and it sucks, I’m not going to tell anyone who is reading this otherwise. Because it does, it’s heartbreaking and disappointing that we didn’t receive the love, nurturing, care or tending to as a child. That’s why grief and mourning is an important part of healing and reclaiming these fragment of ourself.

When we begin to heal and rip off the rose coloured lenses we’ve cast on our upbringing. We will feel all sort of emotions. Which is normal. Naming and identity what emotions we are feeling is an IMPORTANT process. When we identify, label and put a name on a certain heaviness we are feeling it makes it lighter. It gives that emotion an identification. It’s important to give our emotions identities and naming them. Because when we do this, next time it comes to resurface we are able to recognise it. We won’t feel confused or distress about why we feel the way we do. Once identifying the emotion we can find where it stems from which will lead us to the root cause. 

 This process isn’t an overnight work to do, it’s a process that is done gradually and at each individuals pace. We can not rush healing or we can push our emotions out. Those two aspects have their own cycles. We can not force to have something resurface from our subconscious because we want it too. It doesn’t work like that.

Personally, for me, I send out an intention to having any unhelpful or toxic pattering, blueprints, programming or foundations I still unconsciously follow to come to the surface. And then letting it go, meaning letting go of how it’ll come to me. I’ve set out the intention and that’s all I can do. -  Our access to our subconscious is very limited and quite difficult to get into. It has its own way of processing and dealing with information. It doesn’t operate the way our consciousness does. Most of the time when something comes to surface from our subconscious it comes in the form of triggers. As triggers are just alarm clocks from the emotions within our subconscious. It’s a sign that we need to address and reclaim something from within. 

When reclaiming our Inner Child, there is a need to re-parent ourself. We need these aspects of compassion, kindness, empathy and nurturing towards ourself first before we can give it to our parents and others. How are we supposed to provide an emotionally safe space for others when we are not able to do that for ourself? When we neglect to give ourself the emotional needs we require, we will feel some sort of resentment towards anyone who is asking to provide that space for them from us. It’s about pouring and tending to our own cup before trying to fill everyone else’s. 

An example of an Inner Child wound: When our Inner Child is abandoned, it creates a Shadow aspect from our wounds. Where will abandon and neglect parts of our own self to be accepted and loved by others. It’s this constant seeking of approval and acceptance from others because that’s is what we needed as a child. So then we create relationship dynamics that will mirror that lack so we can become aware of the patterning. Which will provoke a choice of changing and transmuting the patterning. Another example is the tendency to people please which stems from codependency. Where we have created narratives and beliefs that we have to attach a condition or a hidden agenda to be loved, accepted or valued in society or our relationships. These are just a couple of examples, everyone will have different types of wounds and how they impacted their own lives. Different types of wounds also create Shadow aspects within us. Each individual has different and similar upbringing although it’s never the same. Where it’s not identical by all the details or the way an individual perceives it. - From wounds ties in with types of pattering that we use to operate in our day today. These types of patterning are partly conscious and the unconscious part of it is the root cause of behaviours, actions, and habits. 

It’s hard to be aware of our own blueprints and programming when we lack knowledge of how our mind works. Our mind is like a computer system where we have to put in programs and blueprints for it to work. So it can operate smoothly and each programming as its purpose on why it’s in the system. It is similar to our brain it has to have programming and blueprints to follow to be able to maneuver in life. We don’t just choose to do something because ‘it feels right’,  there is a subconscious programming we are following. Most of our programming and blueprints are subconscious; we operate a certain way although we are not sure where an action, behaviour or habit is rooted from. - Those blueprints and programming were created in our childhood. When we lack the knowledge of the KEY information of our nature and the way we operate. Which then we become unconscious of all these parts of ourself,

 That’s why when reparenting we have to give ourself the compassion, kindness and understanding so we can give it to your parents. - We can feel more than one emotions. We are multidimensional beings meaning we can feel as many emotions as long as we are not overwhelmed or causes distress. 

We can feel resentment and anger and also be grateful and appreciate towards our parents. As both of those emotions exist within us.

When are reclaiming we can not ignore one or another. It’s is about embracing ALL aspects of our self, for good or bad. Either way, they both bring healing which creates a different perspective and way of looking not just ourself but also others around us. Which also creates a restructuring on the infrastructures of our blueprints and programming. Which changes our relationship with ourself, others and how we move in life. 

Just be patient and be kind to ourself more. It’s not a race, nobody is up for gold metal or trophies. It’s about reclaiming ALL FRAGMENTS OF OURSELF from the mind, body and soul. Each and one of us are on our own journey and path. We are not supposed to compare ourself and our healing to others. It’s not supposed to be like that, we can’t reclaim our entire Divinity if we are looking over and comparing our fragments and journey to others. That creates gaps and illusions within our own path and journey. It’s important to ground in this concept and detach from a competitive mindset especially in regards to our healing and general life. 

We are not all supposed to be the same, we all came here to have different and unique experiences. If we were all the same, it would be bland and boring place to be in. Accepting all parts of ourself means the past and present while being open to the possibility of the future. Healing is simply embracing, acknowledging, tending and then reclaiming parts of ourself to fill the void we are experiencing.

Inner Child healing is an important process of our ascension and healing journey. When we embark on this journey we need to reclaim all fragments of ourself throughout our lives, from the beginning to the present. It’s a process and it’s not an overnight accomplishment. It’s about reclaiming OUR WHOLE ENTIRE DIVINITY, which will take time. The Inner Child healing is so empowering and liberating in the sense that we realise that we didn’t have control over our reality during those early stages. Although as adults when we do this type of healing we realise and reclaim the power of control within our reality. We realise that we can choose who we want to be now and that our past doesn’t define us. Nor as does it dictate where we are heading towards. - The past was simply stepping stones to gaining a level of perspective and maturity to embark on our chosen path. I’ve stated it before, Inner Child healing is not about living in the past it’s about claiming the parts we abandoned and detached from due to our circumstances. 

The past is the only set reality as it’s already happened, whereas the present moment is in between the unknown and certainty and the future is and will always be the unknown. Our past DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER DEFINE WHO ARE, WHO CAN BE AND WHAT WE CAN ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Honest Confession of Healing

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EMOTION: GRIEF

There are different types of healing and it will look different on everyone. Not many tell us this but we grief a sh*t tone during the healing process. We are grieving parts of ourself that we use to relate to and identified as. Griefing parts of our life that has helped us distract or escape from reality. Griefing doesn't have an expiry date or a timestamp on us, letting us know when it will end. Griefing has its own process and timeline. Not everyone will grief the same, just like healing. I do believe griefing is a need during the healing process. 

Many of us have different things we have to grief for. Many that might be too painful to look into, creating a coping mechanism of escaping or repressing. We all have gone through things we don't want to ever speak about. That ignoring and denying is much easier than accepting the fact that we are wounded and hurting. Another thing not many will tell us is that healing can sometimes be harder than the experience. I think it's because when the event happened we didn't see it as a wound. We didn't anticipate the pain it would have caused or how much of an injustice it was. In our healing process, we are conscious of the wrongdoings or the wound it has created. That's why it hurts more sometimes because we can't wrap our heads around the creation of the wound in the first place. 

Sometimes grief comes and go. Sometime we won't even feel the heaviness for days sometimes even weeks or months. Although it does pop up once in a while and sometimes it stays for only a day or two. Although there are times where it stays much longer, where we want to curl up in our bed and just lay there, till the heaviness fades.

Personally for me when dealing with grief I cry it out. I don't know how else to deal with it but with tears. I believe our tears are a physical manifestation of our emotions. If we notice that we can cry at almost any emotions. I also believe that there is no wrong or right way to grief or feel our emotions. As long as we are not harming others on the way, feel as you please.  

Griefing is such a heavy process. Grief is something the majority of people don't feel comfortable speaking about. I believe that is because of how emotions are labelled as 'positive' and 'negative'. Which is absolute rubbish, as no emotions are ever negative or positive. I believe it's the intensity of the emotions that classible them as positive and negative. We also have been conditioned and programmed into thinking that our emotions are our enemy and feeling certain emotions makes us weak. When reality emotion is part of the human experience.  Emotions are also an indication that we are a living being. 

Emotions are not something to be feared or run away from, they are quite the opposite. They are something to embrace, whether it's a ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ emotion. They are just an alarm that is ringing that indicates there is a need we need to attend too. It could be a need to go to heal something within, or a need to take a break from our environment, work, relationships etc. It is up to each individual to determine what their own emotions are letting them know. 

The teaching of repressing certain emotions, mainly negative ones is generally passed down through parental teachings. A type of tool that has been used throughout the generations on how we should handle and express our emotions. Which creates this intergenerational trauma that has been unconsciously passed down. There are plenty of reasons why this type of teaching was passed down, and it would lead back to survival reason. A majority of people have experienced events that have put them into survival mode and not having the right tools to deal with those events creates a coping mechanism of repressing emotions. 

This was a way their body and mind keep them safe during those traumatic events. That is what initially what survival mode is. Our body goes into flight or fight response to keep us alive and safe. When we are in flight or flight response for a long period of time our way of responding and relating to dangerous events can be altered. When we are overly anxious or overthinking of the next danger ahead. Those anxieties and paranoia are actually a trauma response. When finding where those anxieties and paranoia stems from, we find the root of it all which was a traumatic event that has happened in the past, which created this thinking patterning and narrative of 'everything going wrong'. We anticipate things to go wrong or something to come up because we have conditioned into that way of thinking. 

THINKING PATTERN

Our thinking pattern is so important that it doesn't phase us. It's just an automatic thing we do and the crazy part is that we don't realise that we are in autopilot. Where we are following a bunch of conditioning, blueprints, programming and beliefs that we have adapted and taken as part of ourself. We don't see this as an 'abnormal' thing, to be thinking negatively or in the state of constant self-doubt, because we are so used to it and conditioned into thinking we are our thoughts. When in reality we are more than our thoughts. Wild thing is that we can alter our thinking. We are able to reconstruct our patterning. We can change all those, although with this desire to change comes with work and effort. Work and effort that is needed to be put in an investment in our future self, which we will be thankful for when the future becomes the present moment. In the present moment of changing and reconstructing our brain patterning, it is uncomfortable and daunting, as it is the Unknown. If we have lived our lives through negative thinking and the constant state of self-doubt, having an optimistic outlook on life and ourself is the Unknown.

I was thrown into this whole ascension journey, unconsciously. I felt a pain that I couldn't understand why I was feeling it. I was very lost and didn't know myself outside my trauma. Which initially put me on the path of healing. I wanted to know who I was outside my pain, trauma, and my victimhood. I was done looking at myself as a victim or feeling like I was powerless. I wanted to know why I would still feel a certain way about an event that occurred so long ago. 

I was seeking truth from within.

Coming to an understanding of what trauma is and the effect it has on our body system was groundbreaking. When I began educating myself on what trauma is and the short and long term effects it has, not only in regards to our body system but how it affects our livelihood. It removed this sense of brokenness within me. It removed the concept that I needed 'fixing' and that there was something 'wrong' with me. When reality all I needed and required was healing.  

THERAPY/COUNSELLING

Seeking professional help in regards to therapies and counselling is not something to be ashamed or shame others for. The desire to healing is an empowering tool and a brave act to go within. To know and see ALL parts of ourself. Having the desire to seek the truth from within takes and gives you the power of bravery, courage, straight, resilient and love. Healing is an act of self-love. Having the desire to step out of our own programming and conditioning. The desire to want to know who we are outside of our pain, wounds and trauma is empowering. Our present moment self might be scared and unsure if this is a path we want to embark in. Although our future self (Higher Self) is looking at us and encouraging us to embark it, because deep down it's the way of experiencing the unconditional love, not just from others around us but from ourself. As within, so without.

The stigma and negative quantitation attach to counselling are around, not just within our society but our family and friends dynamics. Nobody can force others to seek professional help, that is something no one has control over. It's the knowledge that each of our healing processes is different and when we do embark into this path; we will be parting ways with people and have to make the conscious choice of detaching and letting go of that connection, because of compatibility reasons. Those people who don't want to embark in this path just yet. As nobody is ahead and behind with healing and we all have our own timeline. 

Being compassion to those who we have parted way with and to the parts of ourself that we're able to relate to them. By accepting ALL parts of ourself, the decisions that have led as to where we are now. We have to hold ourself accountable, not blaming ourself or others. We are taking accountability that the actions we have taken were from a place of hurt and pain. That is/was the core root of our actions and behaviours. So please give ourself compassion and understanding, that concept of 'hurt people, hurt people'. Even if at the time we thought that was the right way of handling a certain situation. We know better know in our present time. So let our experiences and past be teaching that we can acquire lessons from. Lessons that are going to help us evolve, grow and heal to the person we are meant and destined to be.

Don't EVER give up on yourself, take a rest BUT NEVER GIVE UP

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Breaking the Cycle

***Trigger warnings: Content speaks of topics such as emotional abuse and violence.

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Each and every one of us carries blueprints and programming that we have created and been conditioned in. Some blueprints and programming we might not realise we are still following. We have phrases or cycles in our life that each brings different learning experience, either about others or ourselves. We come into this lifetime as babies, to children, to a teenager and become adults and age older. In our adult years, we create new cycles or phrases depending on how we have processed and dealt with our younger years.

Our younger years have impacted us more than we are willing to admit. Whether the evil touched us at a young age, abandoned, emotionally and mentally neglected or we didn't have our practical needs met. Whatever our ingredients to our dysfunction, it deserves acknowledgement. We have parts of those younger phases that will feel resentment, angry and hurt because certain needs were not met. For whatever reason, we have to remind ourselves that life isn't black and white. The things we have gone through our parents most likely gone through. It's the unconscious programming that has been passed down throughout the family generations.

Intergeneration trauma is passed through parental teaching. For example, our parents not knowing how to deal with their emotions properly passing down this lack of tool or suppression of heavier emotions or sweeping hard conversations under the rug.

Untreated PTSD that many of our grandparents and great grandparents experience due to the lack of awareness of mental health back in the days. They endured a time of war, sexism and many other social issues. Parental teaching has been passed down from generations after generations that the past bloodline hasn't seen the toxicity and dysfunction of this type of teaching. Leading our generation into this stagnant cycle of dysfunction. Being aware that we are on a cycle that not just the younger generations are on. But our entire bloodline has been on. We have to take into account the work and effort that our parents have put in to break certain cycles, behaviours, patterning or habits for us to be this aware of them. They contributed to our awareness, whether we acknowledge it or not. This cycle of dysfunction isn't going to disappear just because it's ignored. - Ignoring is an energy signature. It's the same as acknowledging, except we are not open to letting it go.

Not all hurt leave bruises:||

Violence isn't just putting your hands on somebody. It's also the use of intimidations, slamming and throwing item(s). Creating fear and discomfort. They don't have to hit you or leave marks on your body for them to be classified as abusive, violent or toxic.

Blaming violent actions towards our anger isn't taking accountability. It's shifting the blame for our action to our emotion. If we aren't aware or don't understand our emotions. It is an indication we need to sit with them and acknowledge them because if we don't, we will lash out and bleed on others who didn't create the root of our anger. Every single person in this world gets angry. It a normal emotion that everyone feels. What we do with our anger is the issue. If we are lashing out and acting in a harmful way then that the issue. The action we do when we feel angry is the issue. There is never an excuse for harmful and abusive behaviours.

SIGNS/EFFECTS:||

These are some of the signs of emotional abuse in a romantic relationship: // Treating suicide, preventing them from seeing friends or family, making them feel guilty for refusing sex, undermining their self worth and self-esteem by constantly comparing them to others or putting all the blame on a partner for the all the relationship problems.

Emotional and mental manipulation/abuse that occurs from a parent(s) and children dynamic: // Creating low self-esteem, an increase of negative self-talk, self-doubts, higher risk of mental illness such as depression or anxiety, constantly feeling of guilt, not be able to process emotions properly or in a healthy way uses substance or risk behaviour to realise emotions.

Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion & Kindness (FECK):||

I'm not a parent myself, although putting myself in a parent's shoes; coming terms to with the effects that a parent might have caused to these harm to their own can bring up shame, guilt and unhealed wounds they didn't know they had or ignored.

Either way, it is hard coming to terms to this because as a parent, they are forced to take accountability and look at their past traumas on why they behaved this way. Our parents are human too. They too have gone through experiences they haven't spoken about to their children. There are things we don't know about our parents. As young children, we have this concept that we know our parents like the back of our hands and they can do no wrong. Although growing up, we realize that they try to shield us from the evil and danger of the world from what they have experienced. They were doing their best with the information they knew and know now. Each of their experience has shaped them into who they are now.

So if we sit and think for a second of how and has happened for our parents or others to turn angry and bitter. The experiences and situations they had gone through make them end up so angry and bitter. Because I believe that no one ends up angry and bitter without pain and suffering. All behind anger and resentment is a pain and a need that wasn't met when we were younger or acknowledged. That our parents and others still carry with them and that has projected through parental teachings and how they interact with their children and other loved ones. Because everyone has an inner child that needs healing and a voice.

BluePrints:||

We have to feel, acknowledge our own emotions that came with our childhood and still lingering around us now. We transmute the blame into understanding that our parents did the best they could and also balance the acknowledgement that even though they were unconscious it still hurts and we are valid to feel hurt for not having our needs met. It's learning to balance both. We have to feel what we have been repressing to order to let it go. There is no other way to do it. We can use short term fixes although it's not going heed the result for the long run.

I know it's hard and confronting. Each phrase and cycle we complete has this ease and wisdom that when going through the hard times or diving deep within we come out brighter and lighter. When we are in the depth of our shadow self remember the work is showing light to those parts of ourselves. Those parts of ourselves that have taken actions that we regret and understand that came from a place of hurt. Showing compassion and forgiveness is how we bring those to light.

Nothing in life is ever black and white. There are shades of grey and other colours too making each experience unique or similar but never the same. There are areas that we are not always right in and others we are. There are also areas that either of the parties is wrong nor right because each one has had a different experience, perspective, lesson or truth in that area. It's giving each other basic human decency of respect and understanding that each individual has hurt and wound that needed healing.

The blueprints we carry that helps us identify Love has been skewered because of our upbringing. Making us believe the love we receive is simply good enough because it is what's familiar. When in reality every one of us deserves a Love that doesn't destroy our self-esteem or make us question our worth.- Love isn't supposed to do that. If it does, it's not Love but an attachment that has masked its self as Love.

With our Free Will, we make the decision of whether we attach ourselves to Love we have always known or take a leap of faith that there is unconditional Love out there?

Be Kinder, Less Critical.

Tulip Festival (2014)

Unconditional Love

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Self Love:

Our relationship with ourselves is the key to forming healthy external relationships. The way we view ourselves is critical. It shapes how we view everything and everyone around us. If we see ourselves as an unworthy person, will be carrying a belief that we are not good enough making us tolerant certain things, people or environment that we shouldn't. We'll say yes to things that disobey our true selves. Although forming a loving and healthy relationship with ourselves, isn't a walk in the park. It is like learning a whole different language. Loving ourselves in the world where we were taught to compare ourselves and put others needs before ours. For some loving ourselves is exactly like learning a whole new form of language. The thought of loving ourselves is so foreign that we hesitate to do so. 

It is a struggle and uncomfortable to see and accept ourselves for just the way we are, the good and the bad. Having to remove the lenses of self-hatred and chuck on the lenses of the Unknown. Something that is unfamiliar and something we can not fully comprehend. For many of us loving ourselves is The Unknown. It is because we tend to hold on to a narrative of self-limiting beliefs that no longer serves us or we have adapted through our upbringing. Although having to let that go would mean having to maneuver certain aspect of ourselves or see a part of ourselves that is still hurting and the thought of that is unbearable. 

Self-love requires being uncomfortable. We are going to places we haven't visited before, places we might have hated and ignored within ourselves. It is okay to feel shaky up and anxious. BUT have faith that we will find the Love within ourselves. Having faith in ourselves is a form of self-love. We have to trust and believe that we deserve unconditional love and that is something we can give ourselves. 

Learning to love and be our own biggest support is a must. Investing in ourselves is something we should ever feel guilty about. It's not a selfish act to have a desire to learn to love ourselves. Learning is a constant habit we are doing in our life. It is pretty much what life is about. Might as well use this life to learn to love ourselves and seek love from within. 

 

Changing our patterning thoughts:

We have to let go of certain habits, traits, behavioural patterning to experience unconditional love for ourselves. Negative self-talk can be hard to stop. Remembering that negative self-talk is just thoughts. Our thoughts are NOT ALWAYS facts. When reconstructing and changing our way of thinking it is important to PAUSE and OBSERVE the thought. Being able to distinguish and label either the thought being a fact or an assumption. Like any new habit, it is unfamiliar to us and it'll take more energy getting used too. - Pausing and observing how we talk to ourselves is important. The inner dialogue we have with ourselves has a huge impact on my mental and emotional health. In the mids of this comes with practising being open, compassionate and forgiving to ourselves because we do fall back to old habits. It is about being able to bounce back up and as we are learning. 

 Insecurity: 

Insecurity is something we all go through and have. Each and one us have certain things we would like on us or things we don't like about ourselves. Physical appearances such as our nose, colour of our skin and our natural hair are things we are not able to change. We can influence changes through cosmetic surgeries or adding chemicals to our skin etc. Insecurity is something nobody can take away from us. It doesn't disappear even if someone loves you harder. Dealing with insecurity is an inside some. When looking within and learning to love ourselves we debunk those beliefs on why we aren't good enough. 

When we beauty on others is a reflection of the beauty with us. It is being able to recognise and find it within us. No human on this Earth is perfect, they might be glamorous but never perfect. Having flaws come with being human. 

It doesn’t matter what ingredients we have for our insecurity if self-sabotage is the place you end up.  Self-sabotage stems from those self-limiting beliefs we have told ourselves and have turned into blueprints when handling relationships, new opportunities and ourselves. When going within we find the roots of our behaviours. 

Cliche as it might sound but SELF-LOVE is the answer to letting go of our outdated self-beliefs. With self-love comes with giving ourself the compassion and nurturing we need when we come to harsh truths and realities. 

Fear and Anxiety: 

One of the symptoms of anxiety is when someone begins to start avoiding things like seeing friends, turning up to appointments or simple as self-care. Anxiety makes you feel like you are going to miss out but you also dread the feeling of failure. So we begin to avoid, creating more anxiety and putting as in a cycle. This sense of feeling like a failure is an illusion. How we define the word 'failure' is important. The mindset we have for our own definition is important to reconstruct us we change and evolve. Failures are not necessarily bad or negative. It is an opportunity to learn or a redirect to something that is better suited for us. 

Failure isn’t something to fear. Sometimes during the moment of the 'failure', we don’t see the blessing within during this period of time as our emotions could be clouding the blessing. And why certain things worked out the way they did. It might be hard to see the bigger picture as there so much movement in the water. Wait, till everything and everyone has calm. Including ourselves. It is okay not to have all the answers right now. Not many of us do. (I believe) fear is something we all need. The issue with fear is letting it overcome us when we let fear run our lives. Where we make our actions based on fear. Being courageous comes with fear. Facing our fear is courageous, I believe that's how fear is transmuted into courage. The action we took to overcome our fear is the 'transmutation'. 

Unconditional Love: 

Many of us have this unconscious belief that if we 'fix' or help heal others we will be healed. We extend that healer side of us to others is a sign of co-dependency. 

 In the context of relationships having unconditional love for someone comes with no desire to change them or even the concept being together. When unconditionally love someone we have to sometimes let that person go, not because there is no love. But simply because of the compatibility, there are certain periods of time in our lives that we might be compatible with someone although as we grow that compatibility changes. With our free will we decide that. 

When we are going within we have realizations that the love we have accepted or given were not based on unconditional love but attachment. Each and one of us have developed an Attachment Style that impacts our way of forming and engaging with others. 

( A link to find YOUR Attachment Style: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attachment-styles/#attachment-style-quiz )

Having unconditional love for someone comes with not wanting to mould them or change them into our 'perfect' ideal partner. There are no such things as perfect. That's what makes loving someone a courageous act. Even when have the fears and anxieties of the 'what ifs', we are still able to go give that love to someone else even if there is a possibility of it being rejected or have someone break our hearts. Because at the end of the day we will always have the love within us that unconditional love we have for ourself; self-love. 

 I believe many of us on Earth are learning to love ourselves. Being able to unlock that unconditional love within us is the key to creating our Heaven on Earth. 

 Be Kinder, Less Critical